Having sex with someone new can be both exciting and a little scary. Our gay BFF shares his advice on how to make it an experience you’ll both want to repeat again and again.
-Brian Clark
No matter how old you are, the first seriously intimate moment in a new relationship is like walking into Disneyland for the first time. Excitement is high! Expectations are even higher! There are stringent height requirements!
I’ve been on all the rides at nearly all the theme parks around and, trust me, they’re all different. My biggest piece of advice regarding your first time with a guy is to follow your instincts and listen to your partner. This can be tough when you don’t know someone very well and you’re nervous, but it can mean the difference between sex that feels exciting and in-tune, and an awkward encounter with Goofy.
Below are five sure-fire tips for you and your man as you embark on your first trip through this new “magic kingdom.” But before you take off, remember that in the same way you’d never get into any amusement park ride without securing your seatbelt or following the safety instructions, protection is a must. Your relationship is untested and keeping things safe will keep you healthy. Condoms = Respect. Ready? Here we go!
Read Is it OK to Have Sex on a First Date?
Big Thunder Mountain Foreplay
OK, you’ve made it through a few dates or a few months of dates (or a few minutes of a date) and you’ve decided this is a night that will end in fireworks. No matter what your personal romantic schedule, remember… sex, like a good roller coaster, is one-part real thrills and two-parts building anticipation. So, build it. Draw out the experience. Disney makes us wait in line for an hour for a three-minute thrill and they’re selling tickets all over the world. So, with this in mind, start with flirty touches during dinner. Then, as the wine begins to work its magic, take time to undress and tease him. And when the time is right, throw your guy some twists and turns, spin him upside down and take him to the limits of gravity. This can be as simple as the surprising placement of a kiss. My favorite trick: Get your guy to lie face down (usually under the ruse of a massage or tan-line inspection – I date a lot of swimmers) and then, instead, treat him to a trail of kisses starting from the back of his ankle to the crux of the knee, then up to his inner thigh and as far as you want to go. For a guy, this is the equivalent of a ten-story drop at 175 miles per hour. Varoooooooooooom!
Auto-erotic-topia
Another huge turn-on for guys? Touch yourself in a sensual way. This seems simple, but serves multiple purposes. It will surprise him, drive him crazy and will also give him a clue as to what you like and don’t like. This has worked time and again for me and always seems to impress the gents. It also shows you’ve got some confidence, which is always a super-hot turn-on.
The Man-a-horn
Each guy’s “coaster” is different. They come in all shapes and sizes and no two are wired exactly alike. My advice: Don’t forget to pay attention to the whole “coaster.” Keep in mind that they all have more than one moving part. Explore the undercarriage, vary your touch and remember that holding on tight for a moment can be just as exciting as a lot of a jerky movements. There’s also great power in a moment of stillness. Do this and you’re sure to keep your guy tuned up and “on track” for the main event.
It’s a Small-ish World
Let’s face it. Most rides are fun, even if they’re not the biggest ones in the park. I can’t speak for everyone, but as far as I’m concerned, the chemistry between me and my guy is always a bigger thrill than his biggest parts. (And for what it’s worth, I’ve definitely dumped more than one guy who could lie down and hold up power lines if he had to.) What you need to remember: Every guy is concerned about size. No shocker there. So, reassure him with your enthusiasm. And if you need to, focus on the things that you adore about him. If I’m with a guy with great shoulders and some other more modest attributes, I keep those shoulders in my eye-line during sex for an added thrill – and I don’t hesitate to let him know just what a turn-on those shoulders are.
Read Waiting for Him to Call – Tips from Your Gay Best Friend
20,000 Leagues Under the Blankets
Eventually, during sex, we all want to do some diving down below. This can be an exciting and intimate moment for both partners. But, it can also become an endurance test if you take it too seriously. Don’t be afraid to come up for air now and again, filling in the gaps with other activities. You should be enjoying this as much as your guy and chances are, if you’re feeling like you’re getting the bends, your guy will be able to sense it. Besides, variation adds to the thrill for guys and gives them a chance to recoup as well. So, release the pressure, surface for a few moments to catch your breath – and maybe even switch things up, briefly – before heading back down to deep water.
The Arousal of Progress
You did it! You had sex with a guy you (presumably) really like and it was hot and better than all your princess fantasies and magic wishes combined. Good for you!
But, what if the first time isn’t so great? It happens. A lot! Guys don’t show it, but they get nervous when they’re with someone new. That’s right. They actually have their own body issues and poor self-esteem buried under those tight abs. Give your guy and yourself a chance to grow into each other. If you really like him, communicate what you want in the moment. If talking about it isn’t your style, guide his hands (or whatever) where you want them to be. He’ll get the message. Likewise, listen to his body and respond. Before you know it, you two will be boarding Space Mountain and soaring off into the cosmos together, again and again.
Tell us: What are your best first-time sex tips?
Brian Clark is an actor/writer living in Los Angeles. He cares about people. But to keep it fresh he has also rescued an insane pitbull mix named Bombay.
